Blonde Jokes

 

 

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us, has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic,
12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

******************

Outside of a casino in Vegas, a blonde was standing in front of a coke machine, steadily putting in quarters. After every 4th quarter, the machine whirrs and spits out a canned soda drink, which she calmly takes out and stacks in a pile next to the machine. 

A man on the street watches her for a minute then goes up to the blonde and asks, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "DUH! Winning."

******************

Two blondes are lying on a California beach at night watching the stars, marveling over their beauty. One of them says, "Gosh, look how beautiful and big the moon is, I feel like I could almost reach up and touch it!"

The other girls says, "Well it's not really that close, you know."

"Yes," the first girl replies, "but I wonder which is further away...the moon or Florida."

"Well, DUH!" her friend answers, "Florida of course, you can't see IT from HERE!"

******************

Becky and Sally Ann were blondes and doing some carpentry work on a house.

Becky, who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out
a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Sally Ann, asked, "Why are you throwing the nails away?" 

Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw  them away."

Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails aren't
defective! They're for the other side of the house!

******************

A blonde female police officer pulled over a blonde woman for speeding.  The blonde cop approached the car and asked the woman for her driver's license.


The blonde driver asked, "What does a driver's license look like?" as she searched through her purse.


The blonde cop said, "It's a little thingy with your picture on it."


The blonde driver pulled out her powder compact, opened it, looked in the mirror and handed it to the blonde officer.


The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the blonde and said, "You silly girl!  Why didn't you tell me you were a police officer, we could have avoided all of this!"

******************

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "Peel and Win"
sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've
won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor
home!"

Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're
mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have
that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!"

She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...

" W I N A B A G E L"

******************

She was Soooooooo Blonde . . .

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She thought General Motors was in the army.

She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...

She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

She sent a fax with a stamp on it.

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."



She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."

She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.



She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

She studied for a blood test.

She sold the car for gas money.

When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.


She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

AND the ALL TIME FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooo Blonde...

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.



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