Christian Jokes

Then he put a note under the windshield wiper
that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't
park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses." 

When he returned, he found a citation from a
police officer along with this note. "I've circled this
block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose
my job. Lead us not into temptation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A father was approached by his small son who told him
proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" 

His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" 

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay", said his father, "So, son, what does the Bible mean?" 

"That's easy, Daddy.  It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth'."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family
Bible to her brother in another part of the country. 

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

 "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was
going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation
to come up with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building. 

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. 

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." 

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more.
Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star
Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became
the regular organist!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.  

The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. 

Imagine his shock and surprise.  Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something!

When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
 (pointing to the bowl).

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know, I haven't had a cold all winter."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A small boy sitting in a pew beside his mother, tugged excitedly at her sleeve just after the plate had been passed for donations.

"I got a nickel, mom, what did you get?"